Marriage in trouble ? SB 7

       As I read this week about the working class families and the struggles they face I couldn't help but think back on many of the decisions I have made myself. Working by both parents, several menial jobs each, was never an even considered anything but survival. We were grateful for any opportunity to make even a little more money, knowing it made life easier for the rest of the family. Most of the budget went to food, the rest to other things kids need then to stay afloat with basic bills (not phone,  cable, etc.), those were luxuries we, and most young people starting out did not have. Child care was, and still is expensive. Often all of my check went to the provider and wondered when, how and if I would ever start getting ahead of the bills. I could relate to the generational shift reference as I too thought I was responsible for raising the kids and housework and many other things. If I complained it would have looked bad for me, being a crabby wife and mother was not acceptable. Supermom and nothing less was the only goal I had. My children are grown and life is different with two adults, no children. The division of labor is still not equal but much better. Data indicates that this is true across the country. One economic study looked at the numbers here and in other countries and found that in many countries women still do housework twice as much as men, or more. Men spend more time at work and in sports than women (No surprise there either).  This link to the study  , (http://www.cityam.com/blog/1394026370/want-find-man-who-does-housework-head-slovenia ) , which interestingly enough points out the chores are more equal in Sweden and better yet in Slovenia where the man does all the housework! 

         Division of labor is one of the big issues couples should discuss from the beginning to be sure they are on the same page and have a plan or could be a big marital problem when ideas don’t exactly mesh. What works best for one may not for another but for marriages to be successful there needs to be common understandings and considerations for each other. The partner with the most presumed pressure may just break under the strain.  This clip with a fun twist is a summary of a study that does show while there is still improvement, women do most of what they call the 3 C’s, Chores, Children, Cleaning. It also lists some symptoms of a problem in the relationship do to this division of labor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSh43HEr0HM

"Sissy Boy" and "passing"

The discussion in this week's class regarding "passing" , or how we are perceived by a group ( or not), seemed a concept without the charged emotions of some of the other weeks. That was until I watched the "Sissy Boy Experiment" clip and felt the real pain and horror that can come from not feeling connected, not having your expectations, feelings and beliefs for yourself not be in sync with what others believe. The experiment done in Kirk, (Kraig), done by primarily Rekers in the 1970's had the tragic end in 2003, when the man took his own life. His belief that something was wrong with him, that he would never fit it, was all due to his treatment by his parents and professionals who wanted to "help" him fit in better. I hope that today we have come a long way from thinking that any child who is "different" needs intervention and changing, but instead the focus is on contentedness with self and uniqueness of individuals. Rekers now is no longer with the Family Research Center, is considered a disgrace. His works are still cited and supported. He released a book in 2009, 3 years after Kraig committed suicide, and lists him by name and states he was gay and committed suicide. He believes his techniques are still legitimate and help prevent homosexuality. I can't decide what part of this story makes me the saddest or most disappointed. My belief that most people are good when put to the test is getting shakier and shakier.Why can't we accept others for what and how they are no matter what our personal beliefs are?

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 Sumblog 5 

Don't worry, he's with me...

I came from and continue to have what is a typical American family of mixed race culture and ethnic backgrounds. It's richness accounts for the fun, loving, close family we are. My son-in-law often spoke of how poorly he was often treated, how frightened people looked at him when he walked into a room and how suspiciously he was regarding in public places. I believed his experiences were his fault, to be his exaggerations or misunderstandings or even paranoia. I have known him now him for years now and found him to be a quiet, polite well liked man, but that's not how he's perceived. The first time I was a part of this type of prejudice was in a local, small restaurant, sitting in our booth waiting for our burgers. I first noticed him squirming and his face twisted uncomfortably.When I asked what was wrong he indicated the booth next to us, people I hadn't even noticed before this, who were indeed looking at us, and the words you could catch were racial slurs. The glances and smirks were unmistakable. What was this the 1950"s? I didn't believe this happened anymore, as I looked through my rose-colored glasses.The privilege I have usually experienced with my white skin had excluded me from what a person who is unmistakable not "white" must put up with. At the time I ushered my little dark-skinned grand-babies out of the restaurant to spare them what I hope will not be their future. Disgraced and disgusted I slunk out but thought about saying, "Don't worry, they're with me. I'll protect you fro their blackness." But being rude and buying into their type of thinking is not how we change this world for the next generation, fight back anger or better yet, use it for change and not against others.  

Religion as a man-made, flexible creation

                            

                                                             

  

Religion is a man-made creation and therefore subject to change and interpretation. The definition that most of us are comfortable with is the one that we are used to, or were socialized to believe is true. Looking at religion from different perspectives helps to broaden our definition and allow for discussions and room to consider that there aren't two categories, us, and the all the others who are wrong. Some definitions of religion include words such as “devotion” and “ worship”, most agree that it is sanctioned belief in the supernatural, believing in a God or gods, but also includes an” interest” , “activity” or “cause” that is important to a person or group. Used more recently is the religiosity term, “how strongly religious” a person is or isn't. According to, Chaves, 2011, we are a diverse country, with a large number of different religions; there also has been a large decline in the number of Americans claiming any religious affiliation.

 Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life (2008)

   This is not to say that they don’t have a religion, according to the broad definition, but many are not outwardly stating a religious affiliation. What are some of the sociological implications of “religiosity”? Religion, once again, classifies, causes large gaps in strong opinions that historically have led to disputes and even war. Whatever you do believe in, it is because it is your right, it is not your right to hurt or harm others because they don’t believe the same thing as you. Furthermore, a religion that is “right” for you doesn't have an opposite, a wrong. Some atheists point out that religion is used to excuse hate and crime, when done in the name of the God or doctrine because the sacrifice of self is a part of most religions; the good of the people is less than the will of the higher power. One a 1-1 level, the problem comes when we treat each other differently depending on religious affiliation, or lack of. Does “religion” make you a better person, healthier, happier? Some evidence says yes. A recent pew study (2013) found that people who attend church services are happier.   http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2013/09/16/study-religious-people-more-likely-to-reject-the-idea-that-life-has-no-purpose/.  So thankfully we can choose to attend church or a synagogue or a mosque or sweat lodge, but if you want to be happy it appears you need for find what you believe in and spend time nurturing that belief system.
SumBlog 3

How are we harming children through gender stereotypes?

The debate regarding nature or nurture continues, but we now have a significant number of bread crumbs to follow to lead us to better decisions.  The first widely publicized case that many are familiar with, is the study by Dr. Money (not kidding) who published the tragic case of the Reimer twins. One of the boys had his penis accidently cut off during circumcision so he was raised as a girl, until he found out at age 14. Both twins eventually committed suicide; the doctor stated the experiment was a success and that a boy could be raised as a girl. This is where Gender neutrality theory, in which nature controls gender, began. A documentary published on BBC, 46 min. long, tells the tragic story with its horrible twists. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUTcwqR4Q4Y . TLC has a 13 min. version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXJN_zXcspM . This was the result of a surgical error, but biology often is not clear either, while there are differences in boys and girls as individuals, this may most likely be a combination of biological and social influences. A neurologist, Eliot, in Pink Brain, Blue Brain, describes the hormone wash that determines if a fetus will be born looking like a girl or boy. Eliot and other researchers have pointed out that in twin studies for example, there is no difference in behavior or cognition when born, even though they were exposed to the same hormones. She also points out that the biggest difference later in life is toy choice, something that is equal when they are young, but quickly differs by the time they are 3 years old. However, because we socially accept that girls can play with boy and girl toys but it is not ok for boys to play with girl toys, some girls don’t take long to find out they can play with everything. Why does it matter who plays with what? It matters for the same reason categorizing by gender matters, it creates a hierarchy of opportunity, limited the lower status. Dr. Eliot talks about these issues and mores, available in a number of YouTube videos, such as why girl’s toys and experiences limit spatial skill practice and later they score lower in math and engineering. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyMrUCFDQeU.   Children benefit from playing with boys and girls and learning from all different kinds of toys. We need to be careful of the messages, often hidden in a glance or a frown even, that we give boys and girls about what is acceptable. Staying neutral on toys gives them a wide variety of learning experiences and allows them to choose what they want to do and play with, influencing them when they are young and later in life.

SumBlog 2 

What am I and why do you ask? Race....

                                                                

         I am likely the oldest member of our happy class, yet in more than 5 decades of life, no-one has ever asked the question posed to us at the beginning of this unit, “What are you? “. I also never doubted that anyone else wondered what I “was .” The comfort of appearing white, living in the mid-west, with no accent or behaviors that seem “out of place”, I would imagine is the reason behind this. Not everyone has been so fortunate.  Many of my relatives have done work on our ancestry so I know I had relatives form several European countries and many from this one. I am by blood-line 25% Native American.  I never thought of claiming I was Native American on any census or other legal forms. I always hesitate slightly, but then check the “White” box. I don’t feel I have the right to claim I “belong” to this group, yet they accept me as one of theirs. They are a proud, tightly knit group, who work hard to maintain and preserve their heritage.  I have lived on the reservation, worked for a tribe; have relatives who don’t look as white as me and I am married to a Native American. I attend tribal ceremonies, I am considered family to more Native’s than I can count, including my own children who are enrolled tribal members. There’s the catch. I am not an enrolled member of a tribe. Enrollment was originally the Government’s way of tracking tribal members, but the criteria is now set by each tribe, who have to vote and decide if you can be a member. You can also be kicked off the tribal roles if they change their minds at some point. This is the political side of the issue. Socially, most accept me for who I am, a caring human being, they say it’s what’s in your heart that counts. Who would look at a white skinned person and think she is Native American?  We all judge by outer appearance, not only race but dozens of other things, but should we?  Being Native American, has not been popular in our historical past as we all know. The early media portrayal did them great injustice, made them out to be blood thirsty, animal like, non-humans. Much like how the early settlers categorized them. As indicated in our reading, the media has a narrow vision and viewpoint and despite what many people still think, does not portray reality. Today, as tolerance of some groups that are “not white” has increased we see more people claiming to have Native American ties and being proud to say so. I recently saw this commercial on the internet, which depicts the positive side of this group of American’s. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQgrY0TOdLQ 

            Fighting Hollywood, its representations, there is a web site that has more information and suggestions for good movies and a list of Native American actors, including people like Cher, Johnny Depp and Kevin Costner.  For more information visit Indians.org at,  http://www.indians.org/articles/indian-movies.html. Learning about the heritage of others and ourselves brings us closer in understanding, race or other types of inequality, and optimistically, towards treatment that is less stereotypical and discriminating.

Shirley Jackson  Sumblog #1